Uncomfortable? Too Bad.

I for one grew up knowing the fact that nothing cleared the room faster than talk about “female issues”. My friends and I joked as teenagers that to get out of speeding tickets you just had to mention the words “cramping” and “period” to a police officer and most likely you would get just a warning and not a ticket. We learned in college that the easiest way to postpone a deadline or get out of a test was to mention “cramps so bad I couldn't get out of bed” and once we all hit the working world nothing got us a “get out of jail” sick day card like “an extra heavy period and vomiting.” I for one grew up knowing that these issues made others uncomfortable and were best kept to us. They were private matters that really shouldn't be discussed. Now granted it’s not the most appropriate dinner conversation --- but a girl’s monthly cycle is what it is. It’s a totally natural biological process and it happens to 50% of the world’s population. Still, we are all programmed to think its taboo to discuss and causes embarrassment to others.

SO what happens when we women reach our childbearing years, try to get pregnant and realize that our “female” parts are not in working order? Why do I think so many people don’t want to say the words “I’m infertile” out loud? Why do I think so many people just say “Don’t worry. Relax. This will work its way out.” WHY? They just don’t want to talk about it. They are embarrassed to say the words out loud---maybe even ashamed. How do I know? I was one of those women.

What a disservice this does to millions of American women as they struggle to become mothers. There’s no shame in being infertile. There should be nothing to hide. It is what it is. Unfortunately I know only too well that this is not the case. Thank god there are options out there for those of us who are. Being infertile is viewed by many as a stigma and an imperfection that fodders gossip. Being infertile is what causes others to say in a hushed whisper “so glad it’s not me.” It is this embarrassed hush about infertility that holds so many of us back from facing the real problem at hand and dealing with it.

So I will continue to talk about being infertile. I will continue to talk about my miscarriages----all three of them. And I will continue to be outspoken about adoption. I am not sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. I won’t apologize for these discussions --- not anymore.

Love much,
xob