www.aninfertileblonde.com

It's official......as of TODAY I will no longer have my blog on blogspot.......Please visit www.aninfertileblonde.com for today's and all future posts.

We have created a much more user friendly site.......you can sign up to receive the posts WITH ANY EMAIL ADDRESS! So fun...and it will be eaiser to comment---and you know how I love it when you do!

Love much,
xob

Spring's hottest fashion accessory

If buying a bracelet would help someone become a parent through adoption how many would you buy?

Exactly.

It's really simple.

$30 is all it takes----unless of course you'd like to stack them.

There are 8 in the photo......I wear 5 at a time......most people wear 1-3........

The Helpusadopt.org bracelet looks great by itself or next to your watch or mixed in with other bracelets.....

Sometimes I wear 1 or 2 next to my silver watch and it looks great.....

It's a statement.....for family.

It's a statement..... for children who need homes.

It's a statement..... for prospective parents who have a lot of love to give but need help from Helpusadopt.org

In case you don't know....This Infertile Blonde is co-founder and executive director of an organization called Helpusadopt.org (www.helpusadopt.org).

Helpusadopt.org is a national non-profit that helps couples / individuals with the costs of their adoptions by awarding grants of up to $15,000 to help with the costs of their adoptions. An average adoption costs $25-30,000!

This bracelet is our new fundraising initiative and they are selling out faster than we can make them.....

The bracelet was co-designed by two adoptive mothers. Yours truly and my friend Denise Cox of Denise Cox Jewelry Designs.

Crafted out of chocolate brown smoky quartz and accented with a gold leaf symbolizing a family tree, this bracelet signifies love, hope and the dream of parenthood through adoption.

100% of the price will be donated directly to Helpusadopt.org.

This bracelet is dedicated to birth parents everywhere for their courage and conviction. Especially those that helped Denise and I realize our own dreams of motherhood.

Please buy one....or two or three.....help someone who is struggling to become a parent.

We are in the process of re-building our website so for now please email or call to place your order:

becky.fawcett@helpusadopt.org or 917.684.5484.

The bracelets are $30 each + $5 for shipping and handling.

Love much,

xob

Just like a scene from "St. Elmo's Fire".......

Many often comment about how open I am about my struggle with infertility, my three miscarriages, and adoption.

Some embrace it.

Some don't.

Some wonder why I am like this---"what's the point" they ask.

Some roll their eyes when I say I am "An Infertile Blonde"---but I am one.

Well, the point is that 7.3 million people a year struggle with infertility.....as for miscarriages and adoption, I believe it is all under the same umbrella---and I think as a society we need to talk about it.

I am not a girl who believes that if you don't talk about it, it doesn't exist. That's not how I work.

These unpleasant journeys in our lives are real and they are painful. I speak from experience.

But they can also be life changing in ways you never thought possible.

I believe that you should talk openly about these things because you just never know who you might meet. You never know who's been through the same thing or someone who can offer you a piece of valued advice.

But I remember feeling as if I "shouldn't" talk about it.

I remember feeling embarrassed and almost ashamed that my body wasn't cooperating the way it was supposed to.

Now I look back and think really? How did I let myself feel that way? Shame on me.

I probably could have really used some open and honest conversation about what was going on in my life.

What wasn't helpful was feeling like I was living a scene from St. Elmo's Fire.....remember the mother who whispered certain words she didn't want to say out loud? "Cancer" "Drugs" "Prison"?----I am sure "infertility" "miscarriage" and "adoption" would have been on her list too.

Yes, now I can laugh about it. But trust me my friends, this is no laughing matter.

So I decided that I was going to talk about this stuff. I was going to be brave and bring it out into the open. Because of the number of people that infertility affects, we should be talking about this stuff openly and honestly.

Every day I hope that one way or another--- I do my part to make someone's journey through infertility, miscarriage or adoption just a little easier.

After all, doesn't everyone need a shoulder to lean on now and again?

Love much,
xob

Miss Bitz

Here she is.....

In all her glory.....

I rescued my little Bitz from the PSPCA in February of 2003 (during my IVF hell) and she was roughly 13 weeks old. She weighed barely 5 lbs.

Now she weighs 12.5 lbs.

As her mother I think she is the most beautiful girl in the world---although this picture does not do her justice.

But there are a few things you should know about my girl....

1. She snores like a freight train.

2. She hides under the bed and snaps at me when she doesn't want to go outside.

3. She is always "starving".

4. She has terrible gas----all the time.

5. Sometimes she sleeps on Kipp's side of the bed like a human with her head on the pillow.

6. She stands just out of my reach and barks at me when I go to the bathroom (lovely)

7. She has breath that could peel paint.

8. Sometimes she sleeps on her back, under the covers, with all four legs in the air

9. She is mildly disagreeable

10. She chases rabbits in her sleep

11. She sort of looks like a pot bellied pig (although that might be offensive to potbellied pigs)

12. She has perfectly straight and brilliantly white teeth

13. She LOVES Jake

14. She sits on my lap while I work and #1 and #4 happen (again....lovely)

15. She needs to go on a diet but it will never happen.

16. Is terribly misunderstood.

In spite of all her flaws I love this little girl with every bone in my body......no one else might.....but I do....she's got personality and I love it.

Love much,

xob

A Pain in the Neck

Yesterday I had a pinched something or other in my left shoulder.....

It makes total sense.

I'm left handed and I carry my overloaded bag on that shoulder.....

So when the ache began I switched my bag to the other arm and figured I'd be fine.

Apparently not.

I barely got any sleep last night because the pain has not only spread but has intensified.

I now have a giant knot where my neck meets my shoulder and can barely move.

Perhaps it is stress related.....

I can't imagine why?

And if that wasn't enough.....

I also woke up to a mild case of "adult acne".....lovely (uhhhhh I think I'm stressed).

Additionally, I had to kill a roach in my bare feet first thing this morning. (This is really one of the negatives about living in NYC)

Not with my bare feet mind you but it still sucked.

But even though my day started out on quite a sour note it has gotten better.....

a. I spent the day with Jake who didn't have school (can't get much better than that)

b. Helpusadopt.org is going to be on the Fox News Chanel tonight (national program...not bad)

and

c. Suzanne Somers is on HSN tonight (this might just be the highlight of my day)

I love her.

I think she's brilliant.

I don't buy anything (sorry Suzanne).

I just watch.

Kipp just shakes his head.

Happy Easter.....


Love much,
xob

The Rules

In addition to the laws there are many rule and arbitrary stipulations in the world of adoption.

I am doing my best to learn more about all of them.

But they really do make me angry.

And the ones that make me the angriest don't apply to me.......

But that doesn't mean that they are right.

Arbitrary judgement really doesn't sit well with me.....

NEVER in my life have I ever wanted to work so hard for change......for others

There are those who say it can't be done.

And to those people I say.......

WATCH ME.

Love much,
xob

I am an ELEPHANT

This month I am officially "22 months pregnant."

This statement confuses many......which is fair. Because as many like to point out, I am not "technically" pregnant.......

This is how I refer to myself in this second adoption.......because basically since the day we decided to pursue baby #2---in my mind I was pregnant.

I thought it was important to put this journey into terms that people could relate to.

What I didn't count on was that it would take so long---I had really hoped that the count would end @12 months or so.

According to the Guinness Book of World Records the Elephant is the mammal with the longest gestational period....apparently those editors had never researched the adoptive mother!

So as I embrace my new "elephant" status I take a deep breath.

I stand up straight and hold my head high.

Forward march.

One foot in front of the other.

Day by day.

Hopefully one day soon my water will break.......


Love much,
xob

New Year's Resolution....status update

This is nice.

This is what has sat in the middle of my bedroom floor since I got home on 3.21.

I knew it wouldn't last.

But really never thought it would be this bad. It didn't help that I knew I'd be packing again in 10 days......

I can't say that Kipp is too surprised....he just shakes his head and laughs.

But for this I had to apologize.

Just so you know, as I write this I have cleaned up the bedroom.

And I have repacked.

But there is still a big pile of clothes that has to get put away.....

Old habits die hard my friends.....but I'm working on it.

Love much,
xob

ps. yes you got two blog entries today.....since I am traveling for work you might not hear from me for a few days. Plus am staying with my parents again and you know how those suburban stairs tire me out!

pps. $7 more went in the bad word list jar today

It really does exist....

I'm trying.

Really, I am.

But at the end of the day yesterday I just cut my losses and put $20 in the jar.

It was one of those days.

Hopefully today will be better.

Love much,

xob

Madonna......I'm on your side......

Wow......who knew?

Who knew that building your family through adoption could cause such a stir????

I mean I for one have always loved "The Material Girl" for her ability to cause a commotion.....and let's face it I've loved her since Like a Virgin hit the shelves in 8th grade.

I stood up for her when she adopted the first time.

And I will continue to do it every time she does.

Big question to the rest of the world: Why do you care so much? Why are you judging with such animosity??????

And if she were pregnant would everyone care so much???

Adoptive parents on a whole are subjected to such scrutiny......why is that?

As an adoptive mother, some of the headlines in NYC today truly sadden me......not only for Madonna and her family but for all adopted children who live in our country.

One writer here in the Big Apple judged Madonna for taking her children out of school to accompany her on her trip to Africa.

Just for the record if our family ever has the opportunity to go to Africa ---I will be ripping Jake out of school for the trip if necessary---so get ready to judge! I mean honestly hmmmmm a week of world travel over a week of school?????

Why don't some people want Madonna to build her family through adoption? And why are others telling her "how" she should build her family? Since when did having children become anyone elses business?

Food for thought: Don't judge someone until you have walked in their shoes.

Madonna, I'm ready for coffee whenever you are.

Love much,
xob

A notice from school

Jake brought home a slip of paper with reminders on it from school today.

"Don't forget Mom.....We're having a party for Mother's day at school." He said.

My heart just skipped a beat.....

How could I ever forget? Does this kid have any idea what he means to me?

Love much,
xob

The Bad Word List

When I was growing up we had "the bad word list" in our house.

Every time someone said "a bad word" you had to put 25 cents in the jar.

Quickly I learned that 25 cents was no big deal---and so did my parents---so the fine was increased to $1.

That quickly became a big deal.

My siblings (all younger) were not pleased with me, but since I seemed to be the only one to get caught they lost interest.

My brothers spent their days creating "code words" to use instead of curse words---no one seemed to catch on to that--I still got caught and blamed for leading a bad example.

I think I single handedly paid for my parent's European vacation.

When they realized that the "fines" were not doing the trick the jar disappeared.

I am sure there were more significant punishments at that point but I have blocked them from my memory.

Fast forward to my adult life......

If I had put a dollar in a jar for every swear word I've ever used in the last 20 years I would be a RICH woman in this recession!

I've never been able to break this bad habit----although (let's face it)I haven't really ever tried that hard--ok at all.

And it really is an unattractive habit.

But now.......

Now I have a little boy.

And that little boy tells me "stupid isn't nice."

And he's right.

And that little boy tells me not to say "S***" and he's absolutely right.

And now we have the "bad word list" in my house again.

And we have the jar......funny thing is.....I'm the only one putting money in it again.

Some things never change....but this time they have to.

Love much,
xob

The Risk....nothing compares

I have racked my brain for months.

And I can't come up with anything comparable.

NOTHING compares to the financial risk adoptive parents assume when they build their families.

While statistics say that an average adoption costs $25,000 ---most (domestic & international) run in the $30,000 - $50,000 range ---please keep in mind this includes everything ---even travel.

And there's no guarantee......we all sign paperwork releasing anyone and everyone of any financial responsibility if the adoption does not finalize.

No one wants to take on this assumed financial risk. Who would?

But adoptive parents have to take it on---otherwise we can't build our families.

I do not object to the cost of adoption as I understand that many different service providers are needed to make adoptions happen.

I am in awe of and grateful to the group of honest and hardworking service providers who work tirelessly day in and out to help adoptive parents build their families.

But I have to question the safety net?

Why isn't there one?

Love much,
xob

I am still.....

Waiting.

Love much,
xob

Introducing Hilda

If you've been following An Infertile Blonde you will remember my recent thrift shop find....the fur stole......

Well here "she" is!

I have affectionately named "her" Hilda in honor of the woman who used to own "her" since that name was embroidered in the old lining.......

So here I am wearing Hilda complete with her new lining and I love "her".....I am quite proud of my thriftiness.

I am standing in front of my prized possessions----Jake's art project bulletin board---god I waited years to have one of these!

And I am holding Miss. Bitz because she's fabulous!

And the sunglasses? Well I was not wearing ANY make up and I am vain.

Enough said.....

Love much,

xob

Throw it out the window......

I think logically.

Most of the time it's very cut and dry with me.

So it is understandable why I have trouble understanding why this second adoption is taking so long.

What is it 21 months?

I don't even want to say the words out loud.

I understand "logically" the time it takes for paperwork to be completed.

I understand "logically" the time it takes for legal proceedings----but I'm not even there yet.

I've just been waiting.....

......and waiting......

to be matched.

Almost two years and nothing to show for it.

Twice as long as Jake's adoption.

So you can understand why this is beginning to bother me....and yes I am being polite....because quite frankly there's not much I can do about it.

And if I was pursuing an international adoption it would be taking even longer......I recently met a couple who has been waiting three years!

WHAT?????

I would really like someone to explain to me what this wait is all about.

I need a logical explanation.

Help me understand.

And please don't tell me it's just not my turn yet.....my child is out there.....this will all become clear once I hold my baby.......because that is what I have been telling myself for months!

And everyday, although I try not to think about it-----I am waiting for the phone to ring......

And yes I do find it ironic that on a daily basis I am working to help others become parents through adoption, yet I can't seem to help myself.


Love much,
xob

A Infertile Blonde Moment.....

Last December we changed health insurance carriers and visited our new pediatrician.

As Jake played with the toys in the waiting room, I tackled the new patient forms----including a three page family medical history.

Once we were in the exam room our new doctor came in and we started going over all the forms.

It wasn't until we were discussing page 2 of the family history that I realized none of what I answered pertained to Jake.

When I realized what I'd done I burst out laughing-----I think our new Doctor thought I had lost my mind.

"Nothing on that form pertains to Jake." I told her

She looked confused.

"I totally forgot. Jake's adopted."

But the thing is that these sort of things never cross my mind unless they are pointed out by others.

Jake is my son and I am his mom.

And we are a family.

End of discussion.

Love much,
xob

There's no place like home.....

Lucky for me I have two!

NYC where I currently live.....

And the Main Line Philadelphia suburbs where I not only grew up but lived for 36 years.

It's actually sort of wierd......

I know I don't "technically" live in Philly (some really like to point that out) but I since I am here so often for both work and pleasure I do still feel (and always will) that it is still my home.

When I am here for extended periods of time (like this week) I do remember the little things that I took for granted when I lived in the Suburbs and now miss terribly since I live in the City.


1. A fenced in backyard. It is soooooooo nice to open the back door and let my dogs out. You have NO idea......

2. A washer and dryer in the house.....Again, in NYC this is quite the luxury and oh what Iwouldn't give to have one!

3. Target.......nothing else needs to be said.


And on the other hand, there is one BIG thing that I miss terribly about NYC that I realize I might never be able to live without and that is all the food delivery.

I'm addicted.

I can't even begin to tell you how many bowls of cereal I've eaten this week and it's not even Friday.

Love much,
xob

Adjusting to suburban life......

It's Jake's spring break so we are spending the week at my parent's house outside Philadelphia.

It's a mix of business and pleasure for me.

And believe it or not, eventhough I lived here for 36 years it's an adjustment to come back to suburban living.

1. I have become very used to living in a four room apartment on one floor. Just getting my suitcase upstairs to my room nearly killed me. Never mind the fact that Iam constantly leaving my cell phone somwhere in the house and have to call it and go searching.

2. Grocery shopping in the suburbs is a dream! The stores are gigantic as compared to NYC and the selection is just amazing. Not to mention that the kids carts are like amusement park rides. Jake loves it. Not only does he have a steering wheel but there's a tv with cartoons for him to watch too. And the nice thing is that my old phone number still works as my "frequent shopper" number. The receipt prints out for Becky Fawcett and I saved $17.65 the other day---very exciting. That just doens't happen in NYC. EVER.

3. Suburban Driving. This might be the hardest adjustment. Yesterday I was out of the house from 10am - 6pm and only had three meetings and I was late every step of the way. I forgot how long it takes to get everywhere when you are driving. And the traffic----on my way to my first meeting I was stuck behind someone who apparently thought it was a good idea to drive 15 mph in a 35 mph zone. I could have walked there faster.

4. The sleeping issue is a problem. IT'S TOO QUIET!!!!!! All I hear as I try to fall asleep each night is Miss Bitz snoring. I need to get a noise machine. Do they make one with traffic and sirens?????

But all in all I am happy to be home for the week. This area outside of Philadelphia is beautiful and it is so nice to see my family and all my friends because I miss them. I may not tell them often enough but I do.

Love much,
xob

It's never easy......

It wasn't easy to say the words out loud the first time.

I really wasn't even sure what it all meant.

But over time it got easier.

And now it's just part of who I am.

And who I will be.

I am infertile.

I am An Infertile Blonde.


Love much,
xob

PS. Will have a picture of the mink stole this week.....